The Philandering Genius Altercation
by lyrisca
Summary: Leonard's amorous activities with Dr. Plimpton bother Penny far more than she'd like to admit.


_I wrote this on my birthday after drinking an entire bottle of wine. I don't know. It's probably a little OOC. _

* * *

Dancing always seemed more fun when Penny was drunk. She cranked the music ('Fuck You' by Cee Lo Green; such a great song, and so— well, sort of— appropriate!) and jumped around her apartment, serenading the various objects around her.

"And although there's pain in my chest, I still wish you the best, with a... FUCK YOU! OOH-OOH-OOH!" She sang to the lampshade. A rogue shoe in her path nearly caused her to trip and fall to the ground. "Shoes are dangerous!" She said to no one in particular.

Knock knock knock. "Penny?"

_Oh, balls!_

Knock knock knock. "Penny?"

Penny nearly ran into the door. _Gotta wait_...

Knock knock knock. "Penny?"

_Bingo_! Penny threw open the door. "What up, Moonpie?" she asked, still swaying in time to the music. "Wanna dance?"

"Penny, your music is incredibly loud," Sheldon chided. Penny grabbed his hands and pulled him inside.

"Oh, Sheldon, pardon me while I pull the stick out of your ass and force you to dance with me!" Penny tossed his arms from side to side, but his body did not budge. "Shel-don...!"

"You appear to be inebriated," Sheldon commented, yanking his hands from her grasp. "Does this have anything to do with Leonard?"

"Of course not!" Penny slurred, wiggling her way to the stereo to restart the song. She didn't bother turning down the volume. "Leonard just decided it was ok to sleep with some famous slutty physicist! Whatever! I mean, we aren't dating anymore, right? I have no reason to be upset!"

Sheldon stood uncomfortably by the door. "The music is very loud," he repeated.

"Oh, I'm sorry, would you like me to turn it down?" Penny teased. She turned the knob to the right ever so slightly.

"Penny, it is past my bed time, and I would very much like to sleep," Sheldon yelled over the music. Penny giggled in response.

"Sheldon! Don't you ever have any fun?" she asked as she made her way toward him. He backed toward the closed door in an attempt to maintain the distance between them. "Have some fun with me." She leaned close, far too close.

"Does it bother you that Leonard has engaged in carnal relations with another woman?" Sheldon asked. His eyes flicked nervously from her eyes to her lips.

"What do you think?" Penny grumbled. "Doesn't it bother _you_?"

Sheldon looked puzzled. "Why would it bother me? Certainly, I think it was inappropriate of him to... take full advantage... of my guest, but I have no qualms beyond that. Leonard may engage in coitus with whomever he wants, as long as he abides by the Roommate Agreement."

"You are such a weirdo," Penny said, rolling her eyes dramatically. "But yeah, it bothers me. Men bother me. Even the smart ones think with their penises. Even Leonard," she clarified. "That rat bastard."

"It would seem that you are correct in your inference that most men, as you put it, think with their penises," Sheldon agreed. "Myself excluded, of course."

"Oh, you think you are just soooo special. I'm pretty sure I read somewhere that Einstein was a phil... anderer," Penny spit out the word with a bit of difficulty, "And he was one smart cookie."

"I have a higher IQ than Albert Einstein," Sheldon pointed out, "And it's possible that he may have been more successful had he ignored the pleasures of the flesh and focused wholly on the higher goals of physics."

"Everybody's gotta get laid at some point, Moonpie," Penny said, grinning. She poked the tip of Sheldon's nose with a finger. "Even you."

"Nonsense," Sheldon said haughtily, but Penny could hear the hesitation humming beneath the hairline fractures she was creating in his patience and resolve. "Penny, you are standing too close to me."

"So what?" Penny stood on her toes and stared him down (or up, as it was). They were nearly nose to nose, and she could feel the warmth of his skin radiating out toward her; he was pressed against the door and couldn't escape. Gotcha, Penny thought with a wicked little jolt of pleasure.

"Penny—" Sheldon squeaked, but Penny ignored him. She turned her head and pressed her lips to the soft skin directly under his ear, leaning against him in the process. She gave a throaty, self-satisfied chuckle when she felt him shudder involuntarily.

Sheldon swallowed. Penny couldn't see his expression, but she imagined he resembled a petrified deer moments before being plowed down by a moving vehicle. "What are you doing?" He asked. His voice was low and uncertain.

"You ask too many questions," Penny murmured before trailing her lips along the line of his jaw, toward his lips. When she finally looked up to meet his gaze, she was unsettled by his intensity.

Their lips were touching, just barely, when Sheldon spoke. "Is this an attempt to get even with Leonard?"

"What?" Raw anger flashed through Penny. "Why would you even... Jesus, Sheldon!" She jumped away from him. "This has nothing to do with Leonard!"

"I find that hard to believe," he said quietly. The music had stopped and the room was filled with deafening silence. As she stood and seethed, Penny had a sudden vicious urge to wrap her hands around Sheldon's neck and squeeze.

Sheldon was still plastered to the door. "I think I should leave," he said, curling a hand around the doorknob.

"Yeah, you should," Penny snapped, her tone biting. He left the door ajar on his way out. "Jerk," Penny muttered as she stepped forward to close it.

Across the hall, she heard Sheldon sigh heavily before shutting his own door. Penny's anger evaporated at the sound.

"I guess I'm a jerk, too," she admitted to herself before collapsing heavily on the couch and letting the guilt lance through her.


End file.
